Social Anxiety: There are so many people already dreading Christmas and the parties they have been invited to. The expectation impressed upon you to turn up, play nice, be present… and not have a meltdown!
Social anxiety can be overwhelming and we may feel trapped in a place that’s out with their comfort zone. Away from the comforts of home.
Some of you may already be thinking about excuses you can make to not go, perhaps you will get a sudden illness and need to stay at home.
According to the UK’s mental health charity Mind, 1 in 5 people cancel last minute for their staff Christmas parties, due to sickness, when actually it’s anxiety. The pressure of having to participate in the festivities is too much for some.
Janice
Janice (35) from Dunfermline explains how she struggled to cope with a work’s Christmas party last year.
“We were told it was going to be the party of the year and we had better not miss it by our Line Manager. Already I felt the sweat start to stick my shirt to my back, I felt like I had no choice but to go!
I had to get the train over to Edinburgh. 30 mins sitting with noisy, excitable people going to other nights out, my hands were shaking and I was imagining all the things that could go wrong that night. Social anxiety is no fun.
Once I was at the party, I spent the evening fake smiling and constantly looking towards to the exit. By 2 hours in I felt like a nervous wreck! I faked a migraine and pretty much ran for the train home.”
She reported feeling like a failure that she couldn’t do it.
We discussed what things she could’ve done instead.
1. Be in the moment
When we are worried about a future event, we tend to over analyse it. We think about all the possibilities of everything that could go wrong (and most likely won’t). Do your best to stay in the moment and not try and be a fortune teller. You could try imagining all the fun things that would go right!
2. Speak up
If you have a friend or close colleague you can talk to, open up. Let them know how you are feeling and see if they can offer you some support. If you tell them you struggle with social anxiety, they are more likely to offer you a listening ear or even buddy you on the night, so you aren’t feeling so alone.
3. Limit your time
Give yourself a time limit, a few hours perhaps, then allow yourself the freedom to leave. Don’t force yourself to be in a place just because it’s expected. It’s your life, look after you first. When you have a timescale, you can break it down in your mind, reducing the pressure. Anxiety may tell you that you need to continue to be there to the end, you don’t.
4. Stay off the booze
Alcohol is often a trigger for people and can make their social anxiety a lot worse. People drink to relax but then can end up acting unlike themselves and severely regret it afterwards. If this is you, stick to the non-alcoholic drinks and keep your head straight. You can still enjoy yourself without getting drunk. Plus, if you drive, you can get home sooner.
5. Breathe
When anxiety does start to kick in, we tend to shallow breathe, which makes things worse. If you notice this happening, redirect your breath deep into your belly and count to 3, breathing in for 3, out for 3 and hold in between for 3. You could also check around you for 5 things you can see, then hear, smell, taste and touch. If you still feel anxious, look for 4 things and then keep going until you are calm. For other helpful tips, see here for some videos.
6. Time out
Allow yourself permission to leave, whether completely or just for 5 minutes to calm your mind. You don’t need to be a smoker to go and stand outside. Quite often you find people outside smoking because they need time away from others, and they are feeling overwhelmed. People use smoking as an excuse to get away.
You don’t need an excuse though, getting some fresh air is enough. If you need to go home, then do so. You are not responsible for other people’s mental health, give yourself permission to leave when you are ready to do so.
I hope this helps you. Remember though it is all about whatever YOU can manage for yourself, nobody else.
If you would like to be free of anxiety, Katy can help. She is a Hypnotherapist who specialises in anxiety release. Get in touch with her now for the help you need to feel happy and confident in yourself again.
Katy Stevenson
07967587033
www.hypnofife.co.uk